Month: November 2020

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On Your Terms!

On your terms!

I am on the cusp of turning 50, making me reflective I suppose of the successes, stresses and learning moments in my life. And as I watch my parents, family members and some friends start to deal with the health and life consequences of ageing, I wanted to put everything together in a guidebook, not just for myself, but for women everywhere.

I often work with clients that suddenly find themselves in a living situation they don’t want, surrounded by things that have no meaning, and whose health and happiness are further harmed by their children who only want the best for them.

Ageing and declining health are inevitable, but how we manage our lives, our communications with family and friends and planning for the future are all well within our control.

The checklist approach

A checklist is the best way to organize thoughts, to-do items, and complicated plans so that everything you need to do to maximize the last 10-30 years of your life is taken care of.

Sadly this list will not prevent a stroke or cure cancer, but what it will do is 

  1. Make your life better now and in the future by relieving the worry that comes from not knowing what will happen.
  2. Make your children’s lives less stressful in the event that they need to make decisions for you, as the information they require will be organized, easily accessible, and clear.
  3. Help you plan to stay in your home safely if that is your wish.
  4. Keep you surrounded by the things you love and value in the event that you need to move to a smaller space (especially a care home)
  5. Give you joy by ensuring that food, events and photos you love continue to be part of your life.
30 days of things to do.

This book is designed to be done in 30 days, some days will just require a few minutes, some will take all day, ( cleaning out closets comes to mind as a job that always takes way longer than I plan.) Some days you can easily do alone, but some days might be better or more fun with help.

But even the days that you have helped will go smoother with a plan.  And you don’t have to do all 30 days in a row, and truthfully some of the days you will have already done, and a quick review will be all that you need.

So let’s get started.

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6 Ways To Know If You Need To Ask For Help!

6 ways to know if you need to ask for help!

It sometimes feels like there are two kinds of people, those who ask and ask and ask, and people that are totally self-sufficient.

If you are a person that is reluctant to ask for help, these are 6 times when you need to ask.

  1. Do you know how to do what needs to be done?  Can you easily find out? If the answer is no, ask for help.
  2. Is it possible to do the task alone? Or do it every time it needs to be done?  

It might be possible for you to mow the lawn today, but is it possible for you all the time?  If not ask for help, or find a reliable company or person that will do it for you.  

  1. Is it safe for you to do it?  If not, ask for help.  Standing on a ladder to change a light bulb might be possible but if you lost your balance would you be ok?  Ask for help. 
  2. Does a task seem completely overwhelming?  If you need to clean out your closets and it just seems like too much, ask for help, send a message to one of your kids or grandkids and ask if they could help you.  
  3. Would it be way more fun to do with someone else?  Ask that person to help.  Going through recipes might be more fun with your daughter or grandson. 
  4. Are you redistributing things you no longer need?  Getting rid of Christmas decorations, or your wine glass collection, and know someone that might need items you don’t want anymore, ask them to come over and help you sort through the items.  That way they can take what they want, and if things need to be donated they can drop them off for you on the way by. 

3 kinds of help to ask for

  1. Professional 

If you need professional help either on an ongoing basis or just for a day, and don’t know anyone, ask friends for recommendations, ask your pastor if they know someone that might be able to help with that.  If it is a big construction or home improvement project ask to see a copy of their license and insurance for personal liability, worker’s compensation, property damage coverage.  Ask to see references and any pictures of work done.  Especially if there is a large amount of money involved.

  1. Semi-Professional

If you need help sorting through 30 years worth of clothes, for instance, and just want someone to help get it done, there a lots of people that do these kinds of one day jobs, but keep in mind you will be inviting that person into your home, and potentially into what could be an emotional and tiring day.  Ask your friends, family or pastor for help finding someone.  Even if you are more than capable it is likely someone that you trust knows a person that has some experience with what you need and can help. 

  1. Family

If asking family or friends for help, let them know ahead you have upcoming needs and ask if there might be a good day/weekend for them to visit and help you with a list of things.  Then make your list and keep it organized so that you show that you value their time.  Keep in mind that if the people that love you can help, they are likely happy to be asked, but also especially family with young kids may already be overwhelmed with their own commitments and may just be unable to help.

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Imagine If Your Husband Packed Your Bag

Imagine If Your Husband Packed Your Bag

Imagine your husband deciding what you would need if you were gone for 5 days?  Would you have everything you needed or wanted?

I know I could pack my husbands bag (and better than he could himself) but God help me if he packed mine.  The one and only time I was in the hospital it took him three visits to remember my earphones.

My son would be pretty hopeless, and my daughter would agonize over making sure it was perfect, and if I am in the hospital she’s already worried, she doesn’t need extra stress.

Having a go bag, is handy for unexpected weekends away, emergencies or the basics for when you have a longer trip.

But in case of emergency, use a roomy bag with a shoulder strap so if  someone is helping you get where you are going, and they have their hands free if they need them.

 

So Here is the list of what should be in your bag- 

  • a weekly medicine thingy – date this so you know when you filled it up, medicines can change.  If you do it today, and don’t use your bag for 6 months or a year, it could be filled with pills you don’t take anymore, or missing something vital.
  • A list of what’s in your medicine dispenser and why you take it,
  • Underwear, ( put some pretty nice stuff in here, as you may be in a place where privacy is not assured)
  • Comfy pj’s that are warm and modest.  You don’t necessarily want to be wearing that red and black lace thing if you are in a shared hospital room.
  • A warm scarf, if you feel crappy having a warm neck is the difference between levels of misery and adds comfort.
  • Socks
  • Slippers
  • Copies of paperwork, power of attorney, contact numbers etc.
  • Cry shampoo
  • Sweaters
  • A change of clothes
  • Unique toiletries – a favourite lipstick or lip balm,
  • Hairbrush,
  • Toothbrush,
  • Facial wipes
  • Deodorant
  • Lotion
  • Glasses
  • Hearing aid batteries
  • Entertainment options -a good book, tablet, or hand-held hobby like crocheting, there is nothing worse than boredom! 
  • Chargers for phone and tablet
  • Earphones
  • Writing material
  • Contact list or a link if its online
  • List of Regular health care providers
  • Faith items, a bible or prayer book if it’s your thing.  

Other documents that may be needed are copies of:

  • Insurance card (front and back, as authorization numbers often are on the reverse)
  • Medicare/Medicaid card/health card
  • Medical power of attorney/Durable power of attorney
  • Living Will, do-not-resuscitate order
  • Organ donor affidavit if applicable
  • Denture cleaning supplies
  • Small bag for securing jewelry or other valuables
  • A small amount of cash
  • Comfort items like copies of family photos, prayer book, Bible, rosary, etc.

Ageing is not an option, not for anyone. It’s how gracefully we handle the process and how lucky we are, as the process handles us.

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